Thalo Blue Sky - living the arty dream

The Blue Book

Friday, April 2nd, 2010 at 6:56 pm

Journal Cover

The Blue Book

Well because I am a changeable creature, and a Gemini, I started to feel a bit confined by the preciousness and prettiness of my new little watercolor journal, so I decided to make a new BIG ASS journal. I took a couple of 12 x 16 canvas boards, painted them up, and coptic bound them with some 140lb hot press paper. Yeah! I need to practice getting MESSY.

I’ve been obsessed with both Carl Jung’s “The Red Book” and “The Red Book” by Sera Beak, which is all about spiritual self exploration. I’m starting to get this inkling of art and self examination and intuition and spirituality as all the same thing wrapped in a bunch of different avenues. I’m looking forward to getting arty with that idea and exploring it some more.

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Note to Self

Wednesday, March 31st, 2010 at 6:43 pm

Be Present

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The ducks are doing it, it must be spring!

Tuesday, March 16th, 2010 at 6:01 pm

Spring has sprung here in Arizona, and the weather cannot be more glorious. I celebrated by riding my bike to work today. I dearly wish I could ride every day, but right now it’s just not in the cards. I LOVE being on my bike! It is the closest thing to flying that I know.

Action Shot!

Here are some of the things I see on my ride to work:

A duck pond.
A golf course.
A frisbee golf course.
More ponds and golf courses.
Tempe Town Lake.

Tempe Town Lake

That’s the first 6 miles, and then I actually have to start biking on the streets where I pass:

A milk factory.
A bakery where they bake those rolls that we always have at Thankgiving and they smell SO GOOD!
My ex-boyfriend’s ex-apartment.
An unincorporated town where I once saw an actual live elephant just kind of standing around in a parking lot.
The hill of doom, which becomes the 30mph hill of reckless abandon on the ride home.
My office.

The bike path

So I biked 26 miles total today. And it wasn’t so bad really, coming home was a breeze. I just feel like I’m continuing the theme of doing things with ease. I mean, I was taking pictures with my camera while my bicycle was IN MOTION!!! Sheer CRAZINESS!!! I want more of this in my life.

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Hush little brain

Monday, March 15th, 2010 at 7:22 pm

Ok, OBVIOUSLY I have been thinking and thinking and WAY over thinking EVERYTHING. I think with the art school thing I’ve been trying to explain and convince and rationalize, and there’s not really anything that needs to be explained, there’s no one who needs to be convinced, and there is nothing to rationalize. Done and done. So, it’s time to stop thinking and thinking, and time to get back to just doing. Most importantly: doing some painting. Okay? Okay!

I realize that it’s March and that I already have one theme, but I’ve decided to add on another theme. Which is: ease. I was inspired by the 1 million items I’ve checked off my to do list in a remarkable short amount of time. I had been fretting about Getting Things Done time (capital letters), when everything is getting done just fine in small increments, so I really should just chill and stop worrying about it.

So EASE, now goes along with my other happy theme, which is Live Big, Take Small Actions.

And as I read in an article today, “It’s hard to live big if you are waiting for permission.” So no more explaining. It’s time to take off!!!

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It just takes time

Sunday, March 14th, 2010 at 9:52 am

Journal page from 1998

This is a journal page from 1998, YES, 1998! HAHA! I meant it when I said I was going back to old Angie style, and here it is.

So, it took me 2 1/2 years to get out of debt. I’d been WANTING to get out of debt for 10 years. You can probably tell by the dollar signs above that I was pretty upset about money in those days. I agonized about my debt. I bought books on what to do with my life but then felt like they couldn’t apply to me until I was out of debt. I actually felt like I couldn’t even HAVE a dream until I was out of debt.

That’s pretty depressing. But as much as I wanted it, I couldn’t see a way out. I was looking for an immediate fix, a magical way out, for someone to come and make it right for me. Anytime I sat down to work out the numbers, it always came down to 2 years. It would take me 2 years to do it. The spector of those 2 years felt like FOREVER, like it could never ever happen. Of course, I eventually realized that I wasn’t going to feel free and happy until I did something about it.

So I made a plan and then I held still. Instead of switching jobs every 11 months thinking THAT would make me happy, I held still. Instead of moving apartments every year because THAT would make me happy, I held still. I held still and sent in my money every month, every month for 30 months. No more, no less. I set up the plan so that I could still have my community center art class, but I learned to use the library.

And here’s what happened: I FOUND MY DREAM. Not only did all that holding still get me out of debt, but it also helped me figure out what I love. I was so distracted by all the worry and all the moving and job switching and such, I never looked INSIDE myself to see what I really wanted.

NOW, here’s the other really powerful lesson I’m learning from that: there is NO IMMEDIATE FIX. I’m sitting here wanting to be an awesome artist, RIGHT NOW, right this minute!!!! Well guess what, Ange, it doesn’t work that way! It takes TIME. So for me, deciding to go to art school is like deciding to get out of debt. It won’t be immediate, I won’t even be picking up a paintbrush until at least the second semester. I will just trust the process and in the end I will be in a whole new place with my art, a place that I don’t feel like I would be able to get to on my own.

I’m starting to understand the benefits of taking the long view, of committing without knowing how things will end up. Gosh, I feel so…MATURE!!! And also, just really proud.

And for anyone reading this who needs help getting out of debt or with money in general, I use Mvelopes as my budgeting/planning tool. It is awesome and I highly recommend it.

I should also add here that after I got out of debt, I started seeing a counselor. I’d been telling myself for SO LONG, that I’d magically be happy when I was out of debt, I knew I’d have a freak out, and I wanted to make sure that instead of going crazy and quitting my job without a plan, I’d figure out a way to actually make my life WORK the way I want it to. She calls it “rebelling well“. I find it really hilarious that it wasn’t until AFTER I’d accepted that I would have to keep working full time even without the debt that I decided to start working part time and go to school. LIFE IS AMAZING that way!!!!

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Compare. Vomit. Rinse. Repeat.

Sunday, March 14th, 2010 at 9:05 am

This weekend is the Scottsdale Arts Festival. I LOVE the Scottsdale Arts Festival! Not only is the weather completely and utterly perfect, but it’s held in my favorite chilling spot, where you can lay around in the softest, greenest grass in town.

As I’ve started getting more and more arty, though, these festivals have taken on a totally new tone. Instead of coming away inspired, I often leave feeling overwhelmed, dejected, and hopeless. The regular thoughts like: “I’ll NEVER be that good”, and this old favorite: “Who the hell am I kidding? I’m no artist!!”. It goes on and on.

The paintings I am drawn to are very detailed and nuanced, while my paintings are simple and…simplistic. And blocky. Blah Blah. Check this out:

Painting by Alla Tsank

This is a painting by Alla Tsank. I am sooooo drawn to her paintings. They are so beautiful and haunting and very medieval looking. So let’s get real for a second: she has been painting since she was 10 years old. OKAY!?!? There is no way in the universe that I should expect to be able to paint ANY SUCH THING, after only a year of painting. Jeez, Angie, GET A FREAKING GRIP!

And this guy:

Painting by Jarrod Eastman

This is a painting by Jarrod Eastman. He is self taught, but he has been painting for 15 years. 15 years!! Okay!?!?!?! Sheesh.

I was reading (in the grass in the park) I could do anything if only I knew what it was by Barbara Sher. And she was saying that it’s down right arrogant to think that I should be able to come out of nowhere and suddenly be painting like the masters. DUH!!!

Plus, even if I COULD paint like that, I have to paint whatever it is that comes out of MY heart. And maybe even once my skills improve, the things that will come out of my heart will still be simplistic and primary colored and fanciful. Honestly, I can’t even imagine trying to do a haunting painting; I’m just not that haunted, really.

Here’s the other thing: now, when I wander around and see art that I don’t like, I still just kind of love the person who created it, because I know that they’re just doing what their heart tells them, that they love what they are doing. So whether I like it or not is none of my business, you know?

I don’t know what’s up with that saying I’ve been seeing everywhere on those hip designing sites, but I’d say it really fits the bill here. This is all I have to do:

KEEP CALM. CARRY ON.

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Just say no!

Wednesday, March 10th, 2010 at 5:05 pm

What a perfectly timely wishcasting from Jamie today! She asks: “What to you wish to say NO to?”

Ugh, I am FEELING this today. There are a couple of items that have been hanging over my head like dark purple storm clouds and the amount of mental energy it’s taking me to avoid them is just not worth it. So while I had intended on making today a free and clear art night, I’ve decided instead to take on CLOSING THESE DOORS. I will say no and back out as politely as possible so that I can move on into everything else I want to do with a free and clear heart.

Saying NO does not make me a bad person.

Let me say that again (because I need reminding): SAYING NO does NOT make me a bad person.

There. So, I’ve gotten the ball rolling on that and next I will tackle some of the items on my growing to do list so that I can cross them off with a big satisfying red XXXXX and clear my little storm clouds away to make room for more sun!!!

6 Comments wishes

Oh journal, how I missed you!

Monday, March 8th, 2010 at 8:06 pm

It’s been raining and raining here in Arizona. Honestly, I feel like I fell asleep and woke up in Seattle or something. I love it because it gives me a perfect excuse to stay inside and do art! But I know the good outside weather is coming…soon! Plus, due to classes and work and other such craziness as sleeping and eating, haven’t had the big chunks of time that I’m used to, which means I’m not getting very much painting done.

Clearly, the situation calls for a new project! I’ve always kept journals. And after I acquired my first SARK books in college, I started making little coloring doodling journals. But then somewhere along the way, I heard about art journaling, visual journaling, all this mixed media stuff, and I thought that’s what I needed to do. So I spent months and months and then years looking at web sites, studying journaling books, going to art camp, trying to figure out the best way to journal, and meanwhile, I’d completely stopped journaling.

I’ve made a few stabs here and there, but honestly, it’s never really clicked with me. At least not in the way that I thought I was supposed to be doing it. Well, I was home sick on Friday, and took the opportunity to sit on my couch with my big pile of SARK books, and I was like, OH YEAH!! And suddenly I knew I needed to go back to MY journaling style, and that it is PEFECTLY, COMPLETELY OK, JUST THE WAY IT IS!!!!!

So I bound up a new journal with happy watercolor paper, got a new little kit of watercolors, unwrapped them like candy, and spent all day Sunday just drawing and coloring away. And it makes me so so happy!!!

My new journal!

Monkey mind

Brain Train

Let Go

Yay!! This journal is basically going to be a place to collect all the words and bits of wisdom that are scattered throughout all my millions of writing journals, because I never remember all the good things I read and learn. It’s like a little happy reference guide!

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The Big Sky

Wednesday, February 17th, 2010 at 9:23 pm

Big Sky

Yeah, this is pretty much how I feel about the universe. I just imagine standing on a hill somewhere, looking up at the stars and just feeling all the awesomeness totally WHOOSH through me. The stars in the sky, the mind blowing expanse of it all, that’s pretty much my religion.

This little painting actually started out like this:

Big Sky baby

And it probably could’ve stayed like that and I would’ve been happy. That’s my idea of the universe too. In fact, I may actually just do another something like that. I don’t know.

I just have this obsession with skies. Daytime skies. Nighttime skies. Yesterday I went on a little walk, and I couldn’t stop staring at the tiny tiny airplanes in the sky, and the blueness just criss crosses back and forth with all their little trails.

MORE PAINTING PLEASE!!!! I’m in school now and doing school related art, so I haven’t really carved the time to be in my little room and do my own painting. But that’s okay. I have to remember that even though it doesn’t look like I’m getting much done, I’m learning. And in fact, I can feel the practice of drawing changing the way I hold my hand over the canvas, so already something is happening!!

I’m just going with it.

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Story time wishing

Thursday, February 4th, 2010 at 8:07 pm

Writing by candlelight

This is my writing desk in my bedroom. I just set this up recently, and I love it, it makes me so freaking happy. I have my regular big creativity table out in the living room, but these days, it’s buried 3 layers deep in paintings. So I love that I have a space completely dedicated to journal writing. I haven’t been writing much in the last few years, but suddenly I’ve started up again. I feel like I’ve come back to myself through it.

Only this time, I’m not just writing circles and circles about doomed relationships, about my melodramatic feelings, or about how the world is wronging me. I’m exploring my dreams. I’m exploring new aspects of myself. I’m daring to write out my truth.

So, this is the story that I wish to both let go of, and create. After a lifetime of being shut off from spirituality, through the writings of Joseph Campbell and Clarissa Pinkola Estes and conversations with my best friend, I am starting to move towards my own story of spirituality. I am starting to feel out what I believe about the universe, about what is out there, about what happens when we die. For so long I felt like it all just ended in dirt. And that’s starting to change. I’m starting to think about energy, and I’m starting to like that idea. I’m starting to feel like sending my intentions somewhere has an effect. I am still very much against organized religion, and the righteousness that people feel entitled to because of it, but I am finding something that means something to me. And I think it’s good.

Tonight I’m starting to read The Red Book: A Deliciously Unorthodox Approach to Igniting Your Divine Spark by Sera Beak. The reviews are good, and I’m curious. So, we’ll see.

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